illy's incessant ramblings

Ahhhh!!!!

2012-01-10T09:34:00.003-05:00

I swore last year (almost a full year ago!!) that I was going to blog more. I know my fans miss me (I'm sorry) but I get side tracked so easily. I had so many great stories to tell as well, but we move on and find bigger & better things to blog about. Like the fact that we have now been introduced to "Food Trucks" - OMG HOLY AWESOME! The trucks that we ate at weren't even "top-top of the line" but they were pretty damn good! Brought the Twins with us to enjoy the evening which went fine, until the little Olive decided that she was a big girl and did not want to sit in the stroller anymore, which then meant having to hold her, which she didn't even want to be HELD!! ARGH KID!!! It's so hard to handle two kids (who do not listen or comprehend why you're trying to contain them) when you're in a sea of people who are all hungry and waiting in a 30 minute line for food. YES you read right, I was IN A LINE, WAITING, for FOOD! Ugh. I hate lines. I hate waiting, but YES this food was that good! What wasn't good was the fact that I felt like I could eat something from each & every truck (sigh!) Ant said I was treating it like a buffet. Isn't that what it is?? (albeit a very expensive one!) Anyway, I'm making myself hungry.

:nomnom:

So I talked to my lawyers....

2011-04-05T16:11:00.002-04:00

and they pooh-pooh'd my "normal person" gossip blog. I don't understand how we can gossip about Celebrities without too much worry, but if I tell you that my neighbors down the street don't pick up their dogs poop, I can get in trouble???

The people have a right to know who's not picking up their dogs doody!!!!

So instead, I'm going to write a Fiction "tell-all" kind of like Sex in the City, except this time, Carrie is fat and has lots of problems finding a guy. Her 3 cohorts are also el-chunkos. Their fatscapades shall please & titillate audiences of all ages & sizes!! If I find out one of you sons of bitches stole my idea for a book - I WILL SUE!! Then I can get 15 minutes of fame and people can blog about ME!! I'm so excited, I almost want to go Britney crazy to prep for the event!! I love my hair too much though, and I can never find an umbrella when I need one. I'll have to figure out what to do to get the paparazzi excited.

Until the next rambling.....

I'm bringing drama back to the normal folks!!

2011-04-01T11:21:00.003-04:00

Who said the Celebrities get to have all the fun? There's more than enough drama to go around for us normal folk too!! Everyone loves drama & gossip about celebrities, but what if I shared drama & gossip about the everyday mouth breathers I have to deal with? Names can be held to protect ME, because these people are about as far from innocent as they can get. I bet people get hurt feelers if they think I'm talking about them, but really, I'm just sharing the joyous sanctimonious drama that they inflict on me with everyone around me :)

Don't want me to tell the world your gossip? DON'T COME NEAR ME!!

Be prepared world! You are about to be bombarded with some of the worlds most AWESOME gossip!! It's awesome to me anyway. stop hating already, you haven't even read what it is!

Oh how funny the world is.....

2011-03-31T13:51:00.003-04:00

February 2009 Blog Post

Reading my old blog post, I was on the right track for getting pregnant with Twins!! HAHAH - but seriously, my God-Mother (Grandmother's Sister) had twin girls, and ever since I was a little girl, I kept telling myself that I was going to have Twins. Sure enough.....I DID!!

Now I'm telling myself that I'm going to win the Lotto/Powerball. I WILL DAMN IT. I WILL.

My long hiatus is over!

2011-03-31T13:39:00.002-04:00

Did anyone miss me?

Probably not, but guess what!!?!! I'M BACK!!

I was off being AWESOME. Got pregnant, and of course I couldn't just get pregnant with one baby - that's what normal people do. Since I am a GODDESS and have above average awesomeness running through my body, I got pregnant with TWO babies!! Yes, TWO. I got asked a thousand questions by random ass strangers, such as "are they natural?" No my Twins are SUPERNATURAL! Who the hell asks a random stranger how their children were conceived?? "So did you do the dirty deed, or did you have a Dr. stick a turkey baster up your HOO-HOO?" Let's see how that conversation goes over with a random stranger that isn't expecting Twins.

So then I had my awesome Twins, and they turned out to be REALLY awesome, so much so, that I couldn't stop spending every single waking hour with them!! Who knew being a Mom could be this awesome?!! Oh wait - it isn't, unless you're me, and are a Mom to MY awesome kids!

So here we are now, on the heels of a video that went viral of Twins having the cutest conversation together. I got to reading that Twin Moms blog and it made me realize that only Twin Parents really know what it's like to be a Twin Parent!! It also made me want to share some stories of my life with the Twiners. I'll try to make the stories good. This way the aura of "awesome" will always be around. If you need me, I'll be trying to figure out what to do to earn my 15 minutes of fame!!

Send your ideas!!

Woe's of a female gamer

2009-06-09T09:14:00.006-04:00

This blog has finally found it's niche. I present you with the late night xbox love seeking perverts!!!!

There is a phenomena that occurs in the gaming industry when females are online; The men go stupid.

For more background on these sad sad individuals, visit www.sfx-360.com to listen to the Game Goddess Podcast.

I'M ALIVE!!!!

2009-05-05T13:44:00.002-04:00

Wow that was a long break!!

I caught the flu for my 1st anniversary and it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R to get better.

I'm now better and moving on to bigger, brighter, better things!!! (not really, but it sounds good, so let's go with it)

First point of order - the Internets did not suffer without me, so I must make sure the next time I'm not able to blog, the people come breaking my door down, DEMANDING to know what's up!!

2nd point of order - I am no closer to finding a home that I want to spend ONE QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS on. People out there have lost their minds and act like $250k-$300k is no deal. CHUMP CHANGE!! Unfortunately, I don't think this way, and the whole home buying process has become very stressful for me.

Lastly - Can Sirius Area 33 play some freaking GOOD music during the day? It's all I can do to keep myself from screaming when they play GARBAGE. I need some background noise other than the retards screaming around here, and Area 33 is just NOT playing anything worth listening to. Area is the DANCE/TRANCE station. Please do not play some horrendous hard beats reggae dance music, or freaking Police Mix cover thingy. WHAT THE HELL AM I LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?!

-illy out

When will I get better?

2009-03-17T11:51:00.003-04:00

I've been sick for TWO WEEKS!! This week begins the 3rd week of being sick.

I can't take it anymore!! I WANT TO BE BETTER!!! Between my ear infection & the congestion, I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep!! I have never in my life been sick this long other than with Bronchitis, but this is NOT bronchitis!!! This is the product of not being allowed to rest. :|

So with that said I'm going to eat my apple and make believe I'm at home in my bed.

BLOGGING

2009-03-09T12:19:00.002-04:00

Dear Blog,

I still heart you.

Much love,

Illy

I'm still alive

2009-03-06T15:56:00.003-05:00

Dear Blog

I swear I'm still alive (barely)

Just a quick catch up to the last 2 weeks of my life. Went on Vacation to celebrate my first anniversary, which was fine up until the day before our anniversary where the hubby got sick - MISERABLY sick. So we spent our actual anniversary DAY sitting on the couch with him being miserable. I proceeded to catch his flu and 2 days later was miserably sick myself.

So I have been on vacation AND sick and barely getting back into the swing of things.

I have a bunch of crap that I need to blog about so be on the lookout for my ridiculous awesome blogging.

Muuuuuah!!

My hip is killing me

2009-02-19T16:35:00.002-05:00

So another symptom of the dreaded 3-0 coming up around the corner is the fact that my body is falling apart. Literally. My hip is on FIRE, and not from anything fun either. Just from being OLD and carrying around extra insulation :D

So I'm going to the Doctor on Monday to have him yell at me about my weight, but offer solutions to my pain. I already know what one of them is - CHIROPRACTOR. I don't mind going to the Chiro (hellooooooo massage therapy), but it gets expensive :(

So the next point will be "LOSE WEIGHT" and while the Doctor will be right about this - I suck at listening to this gem of advice. I guess I'm going to have to finally come up with viable solutions to this issue. My favorite so far is wiring my jaw shut, making it easy to resist temptation, but since I don't submit my body to anything extreme enough to warrant having my jaw broken - I need an honest to god answer.

Hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and a lifestyle change. What a novel idea!

Hmmm - I wonder if I could pay someone to crack me in the jaw......

Forgive me father for I know not what I do

2009-02-17T13:11:00.005-05:00

I have REALLY been slacking on the blogging!!

I usually have WAY too much to say, so you'd think I'd be posting asinine garbage all day long. Unfortunately, that thing called work takes up the better portion of my day, so instead I'm forced to blog during my lunch hour or when I get home. When I get home, I have other more important things to take care of (wait, what? Blogging isn't important?!?! UNPOSSIBLE) so the blog is pushed to the side.

Today I shall remedy that with the INANE crap that has annoyed me so far this week. It's only Tuesday people! Only Tuesday....

Monday was President's day - I don't get this as a holiday, but thankfully the demon spawns do, so the road was CLEAR. Monday made me realize that I cannot wait for the summer to get here already just so I can make it to work in 10 minutes or less as opposed to 30 or less.

The best was on my way home - I am attempting to merge onto the highway from the ramp. There is a car next to me that continued to increase its speed as I increased mine so that I could not get over. If I started to slow down - so did they!! Seriously now - LET ME OVER YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!! The worst part - WOMAN DRIVER. You make me sick!!! I could drive circles around your retarded face, but I get a stigma on me because you're a freaking moron. THANKS A LOT BIOTCH. Stereotypes exist for a reason. This lady was a shining example, and I would like to wish diarrhea on her.

Today the traffic was a little more congested - but why was it congested? Because someone had a flat tire and was pulled over to fix it, and we MUST rubberneck - you know just in case the persons head explodes or something. I swear the people around here are seriously FITH because they rubberneck for everything. (FITH = F'd in the head)

This is just the TRAFFIC situations that aggravate me. I've tried listening to classical music while driving & I honestly found that it does calm me down and allows me to graciously allow someone to sideswipe my car as they have no idea how merge into flowing traffic (that whole wait for the dotted line to appear before you start pulling and checking your blind spot - that's stuff WEAK people do).

Then we have the issue that I cannot find an entrainment unit that isn't completely ostentatious or just junky looking. Seriously - when did we go from having traditional, modern, or classic looking Entertainment/Wall Units to some seriously ridiculous flashy units? We all know the crap is made in China anyway so why try to pass off this massive monstrosity as you having "nice" furniture.

Then we have the whole issue of me putting listings up on Craigslist and having the momo's of the earth contact me. First there's the people asking me if I have any Gold & how they will pay me top dollar, but not only that, if I get my friends to sell them their Gold - I make a portion of the sale!!! OMGOOSES!!! Then I get this one person who sends me a message saying they are interested in my stuff & to please call them. I got this message for each listing I put up. So I called the number & someone actually answered?! I was shocked & sadly hung up on them. I'm still trying to figure out what that scam is.

Finally - I'm getting the "I'm going on Vacation next week" -itis and it sucks. Mostly because I'm taking forever to get through everything and by the time I get home I don't want to do ANY planning for my vacation!!!! :(

Tonight - busy night of sorting through all of our crap & getting pictures of it to sell on eBay (the Devil's playground!)

Nadya Suleman Octo-Mom living on the welfare teet

2009-02-12T10:48:00.003-05:00

Nadya Suleman aka "Octo-Mom", "Octo-Slut"

http://www.thenadyasulemanfamily.com

Articles on her from www.coverawards.com

Ok so we've all been hearing about Octo-slut in the papers. First she was mysterious and the family was saying they were going to hide. NOW this lady is all over the freaking news, pictures of her are all over the place. How much of a pay-day is this lady going to get?

I mean just check out this pic from TMZ!!!! (Preggo w/8 babies in belly GROSS WARNING!!)

The more you read about her and her poor kids (3 of her 6 are special needs as is) you have to wonder what was her purpose in doing this? The best answer I myself can come up with is MONEY. Which is crap because those children will NOT benefit from the money SHE will receive.

So on that note - I have decided to change the strategy of my future procreation endeavors to include possible multiple insemination so that I may also join the Multi-baby family phenomena and get MY piece of the NEW American Dream (you know - the once hard working dream that we all had to get a piece of the pie....now they're just handing it out!!).

Not only do I blog, but my xbox does as well!!!

2009-02-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

Boring Week

2009-02-09T12:20:00.003-05:00

Wow last week was boring. I'm on heartburn medicine (omeprazol) until further notice. I also have allergies and take fexofenadine at night. Last week my body decided that it hates taking pills (that aren't ecstasy) and I have a rash that the pharmacy claims is not caused by these 2 medicines interacting. Yeah so my neck just itches for the hell of it right?

What do I care anyway - hopefully all these pills will preserve me like formaldehyde.

But anyway, besides all these joyous pill popping events, I'm having to deal with my car battery dying. When does it die? FRIDAY MORNING on my stinking way to work, AFTER DH has left for work already. This is ok though, cause I'm a self sufficient woman who can change a tire if absolutely necessary, and I sure as hell can jump a car?!?!!! Well I CAN jump a car, but if you asked me Friday, I would have told you I am a complete & utter RETARD. Thankfully my battery was as dead as a doornail, so all those failed attempts at jumping the car were really only the battery telling me that I better break out the credit card, bend over and cry a little.

I am now the proud owner of a brand new battery!! I <3 my new battery. I also heart that my husband drove all the way home from work to come make sure I wasn't an idiot that had no clue how to jump a car! LOLOLOLOL.

What? I told you I live a boring life. You still read this crap anyway.

Much love!

-Illy

Dear Blog

2009-02-05T15:04:00.002-05:00

I've been busy and apologize for neglecting you.

Maybe tomorrow will be a little more exciting than today?!

Julissa Veloz - the Latin Beauty Queen on American Idol season 8

2009-01-30T11:47:00.005-05:00

http://www.myspace.com/alexzamusic

Ok so while I was watching the Jacksonville episode of American Idol Season 8, they showed this girl who had a pretty decent voice, but the more I looked at her - I was thinking "she looks like a man"

But her voice is really sweet & feminine. But then she LAUGHED. Oh my - SHE IS A DUDE!!! Nothing has come up yet about her being a dude, but you make your own decision about that.

So I found another blogger who COMPLETELY agrees with me that she is a DUDE

I mean look at the pic!!!!!

Here are her modeling shots

Click "view photos"

WTF MATE?!! Double You Tee Eff?!!?!! Sasquatch Pet Bed

2009-01-29T17:03:00.004-05:00

http://www.sasquatchpetbeds.com/

Now don't get me wrong, I do own croc FLIP FLOPS, which I feel are nowhere near as hideous as the original Crocs - but to shape a pet bed as a Croc?!

Who the crap comes up with this stuff?

Sometimes I really need to use my brain better so that I can be the Croc Pet Bed creator, but alas, I is dumb

Sophia Loren

2009-01-27T14:50:00.003-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I have been in LOVE with Sophia Loren.

I always wished SOMEONE, ANYONE would say "you know, you look a little like Sophia Loren!!!"

I probably would have married that person, but alas, no one sees the similarities that I swear by!! So maybe I'm crazy and look nothing like her - but I can dream right?

I find solace in the fact that her birthday is September 20th. One day before mine. I'm telling you - one of these days someone is going to see it!!!

Yeah I don't know either. This blog brought to you by my sleepless night.

Sign of the Times

2009-01-27T10:39:00.004-05:00

I'm not going to get on my little soapbox to go on about how I feel about the South Florida Housing Market.

What I am going to do is share a story that shows how others (who share my sentiments) feel about it.

We have a community Lunch Room in my office Building. In the lunch room is a bulletin board where people post up things for sale, looking for roommates, etc.

One such ad was for a Townhouse that was for sale. List price of said townhouse, $265,000. This was scratched off by someone who wrote "ARE U CRAZY?" and wrote in their asking price!! $110,000.

Someone's a little frustrated with the market!!! I promise it wasn't me!! I'm actually kind of sad that I'm not the one who did it!! Hahahah - going to get a picture of it in a few minutes.

Xbox Love - Let your Xbox find you LOOOOOOVE

2009-01-27T07:54:00.006-05:00

XBOX LOVE
Beginning of commercial is a little risque for the workplace, but it's all work safe for the most part!

Ok so the People over on www.sfx-360.com have some pretty darn funny bones.

Are you looking for love? Your xbox can be a powerful tool in helping you find that special someone!!! Stay tuned for more information about find loooooooooooove on your xbox, xbox love!!!

Birthday Sharing

2009-01-26T15:54:00.004-05:00

We all KNOW that our birthdays are special. I like to turn my Birthday celebration into a month long process. The older I get, the more it turns into a grieving process than a celebration...but I digress. As special as our birthdays are, there's only 365 days to pass around amongst 6.7 Billion people. Needless to say, my Birthday is shared with quite a few of you out there. What I love to see are the famies (famous people) that share it with me. Below is just one list of famies. My most awesome sharerer would be H.G. Wells. Sexiest sharerer - David Silveria (freaking HOT!!).

1983 Joseph Mazzello (actor)

1981 Nicole Richie (actress, socialite)

1972 Liam Gallagher (actor)

1972 David Silveria (drummer)

1971 Alfonso Ribeiro (actor)

1968 Ricki Lake (TV talk show host, actress)

1967 Faith Hill (country singer)

1962 Rob Morrow (actor)

1960 David James Elliot (actor)

1959 Dave Coulier (actor, TV Host)

1953 Kenny Starr ((musician, singer, songwriter)

1950 Bill Murray (writer, actor, comedian)

1948 Marsha Norman (playwright)

1947 Donald Felder (musician, singer)

1947 Stephen King (author)

1941 Dickey Lee (Lipscomb) (singer)

1935 Henry Gibson (Bateman) (comedian)

1934 Leonard Cohen (singer, songwriter)

1931 Larry Hagman (actor)

1912 Chuck Jones (cartoonist)

1866 H G (Herbert) Wells (writer)

Christening Post aka CRAZY EYE CUPCAKE DOG

2009-01-26T13:33:00.007-05:00

So I watch a lot of TV (too much if you ask me) but anyway it makes for some great WTF moments. So the other day while watching Animal Planet, I noticed a commercial for that show "It's me or the Dog" where this dog had CRAZY EYES. Never got to see the show, but obviously CRAZY EYE dog made "The Soup"

I am laughing so hard at this clip, and all of you should as well

Here's the clip in question, linked directly from E!